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译者:MaZhuzu 原文作者:Lisa Ferentz
发布:2017-03-25 13:51:20 挑错

For many people raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the message "you made your bed, now lie in it" is a common life philosophy taught and promoted throughout childhood.It’s a message typically passed down from one generation to the next, particularly when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This mindset gets normalized and subsequent generations stop challenging its legitimacy. Instead, the belief is that there are limited choices in life and once they’re made, you’re stuck with them. Even worse, there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” in search of a better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.


Limiting your options is a powerful and destructive mantra because it discounts many of the basic rights you possess as a human being. Those rights include re-evaluating your choices and decisions in life, changing your mind and your course of action to match ongoing or changing circumstances. The important decisions you made always occurred within a specific life context:

·  Perhaps it was a time in your life when you lacked experience orwisdom.

·  Maybe you felt pressured to accommodate other people.

·  You may have been acting from a lack of emotional maturity or positiveself-esteem.

·  Or, maybe you were unconsciously re-playing what was modeled and normalized for you in childhood.






The truth is, the personal, academic, and professional decisions that met your needs 5, 10, or 20 years ago may be completely irrelevant to your life today. Presently, your eyes may be opened in ways as never before. Maybe you've tapped into a creative, curious, or adventurous part of yourself that wasn’t as available in the past; and that new part has very different needs and desires. Maybe you've simply outgrown those choices previously made that once served you well. Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you deserve more or deserve to be treated with greaterloveand respect. The bottom line is you should never be permanently stuck with a choice that worked in the past but is no longer useful, relevant, productive, or safe in the present.

事实是,5, 10或20年前满足你需求的那些个人的、学术的和专业的决定,可能在今天对你的生活完全没有意义。目前,在很多方面,你的视野可能拓宽了,这是之前从来没有过的。可能你发现了自己有创造力的、求知欲强的、爱冒险的一面,这在过去是没有达到的;你崭新的一面会有不一样的需求和欲望。可能你已经成长到不再需要以前所做的那些选择,而他们曾经让你受益良多。或许,你已经意识到自己应该得到更多,或者值得得到更多的爱与尊重。底线就是你不必永远坚持一个适用于过去的选择,因为现在它已经不再有用、不再有意义、不再有成效或者不再稳妥。

You have the right to leave that “bed” and discover a new one that truly reflects who you are and what you currently need and desire. This is especially important when’ve you made those prior decisions under pressure orstress. Or you discover that you‘ve actually beenlyingon a harmful “bed of nails.” The New Year is a natural time for inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and allowing yourself to decide if they still work for you or if it’s time to do something different.


Anyone who insists that you must forever stay with your original choices is asking you to remain frozen in time. They may push the idea because it meets their own personal agenda or needs without considering the impact that it’s having on you and your life. People can be quick to weigh in, even when you haven’t asked for their opinion. They’ll give you advice about what they think is in your best interests. They might make sweeping statements and judgments about your life even when they don’t know the whole story. They might be out of touch with your current needs and feelings or the toll your choices take on your physical, emotional,spiritual, and mentalhealth. It’s so important for you to trust your own instincts and inner wisdom. A true sign of an ever- evolving person is one who can look back and identify the many “beds” they got to try out, live in for a time, and then moved on. Hopefully you will embrace the idea that this is the healthiest and most productive way to live your life!

Share with us a time when you were able to let go of the belief “you made your bed now lie in it.”



yuernamu发表于:2017-04-02 08:57:52



MaZhuzu发表于:2017-04-02 18:42:11