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“你做的选择,现在自食其果吧”,根本没有这样的事

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译者:MaZhuzu 原文作者:Lisa Ferentz
发布:2017-03-25 13:51:20 挑错

For many people raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the message "you made your bed, now lie in it" is a common life philosophy taught and promoted throughout childhood.It’s a message typically passed down from one generation to the next, particularly when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This mindset gets normalized and subsequent generations stop challenging its legitimacy. Instead, the belief is that there are limited choices in life and once they’re made, you’re stuck with them. Even worse, there is the belief that leaving an old “bed” in search of a better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.

很多人在成长过程中遭受过家庭虐待,很多人在冷漠的或不和睦的家庭中长大,对于他们来说“你做的选择,现在自食其果吧”这句教训就像是家常便饭一样的生活哲学道理,并且贯穿整个童年生活。这句话通常是一代一代传递下去的,尤其是当之前经历过欺骗与无助的时候。这种思维模式变得规范化了,后面的一代代人便不再挑战它的合理性。反而,人们会认为生活中的选择是有限的,一旦你做了选择,你就要坚持下去。更糟的是,有的人认为放弃这个选择转而寻求更好的是不负责、自私、不成熟的表现。

Limiting your options is a powerful and destructive mantra because it discounts many of the basic rights you possess as a human being. Those rights include re-evaluating your choices and decisions in life, changing your mind and your course of action to match ongoing or changing circumstances. The important decisions you made always occurred within a specific life context:

·  Perhaps it was a time in your life when you lacked experience orwisdom.

·  Maybe you felt pressured to accommodate other people.

·  You may have been acting from a lack of emotional maturity or positiveself-esteem.

·  Or, maybe you were unconsciously re-playing what was modeled and normalized for you in childhood.

限制你的选择是一种有力但具破坏性的咒语,因为它会使你作为人类享有的很多基本权利都大打折扣,包括重新评估你在生活中所做的选择与决定,改变你的思维和行动来配合不断发展和变化的环境。你所做的重要决定往往都发生在一个特定的生活环境中:

也许那时的你缺乏经验与智慧。

也许那时你为帮助别人而承受压力。

也许那时你表现得不够成熟或缺乏自尊心。

或者,也许那时你不自觉地重新陷入童年塑造并规范化的思维模式。

The truth is, the personal, academic, and professional decisions that met your needs 5, 10, or 20 years ago may be completely irrelevant to your life today. Presently, your eyes may be opened in ways as never before. Maybe you've tapped into a creative, curious, or adventurous part of yourself that wasn’t as available in the past; and that new part has very different needs and desires. Maybe you've simply outgrown those choices previously made that once served you well. Perhaps you’ve come to realize that you deserve more or deserve to be treated with greaterloveand respect. The bottom line is you should never be permanently stuck with a choice that worked in the past but is no longer useful, relevant, productive, or safe in the present.

事实是,5, 10或20年前满足你需求的那些个人的、学术的和专业的决定,可能在今天对你的生活完全没有意义。目前,在很多方面,你的视野可能拓宽了,这是之前从来没有过的。可能你发现了自己有创造力的、求知欲强的、爱冒险的一面,这在过去是没有达到的;你崭新的一面会有不一样的需求和欲望。可能你已经成长到不再需要以前所做的那些选择,而他们曾经让你受益良多。或许,你已经意识到自己应该得到更多,或者值得得到更多的爱与尊重。底线就是你不必永远坚持一个适用于过去的选择,因为现在它已经不再有用、不再有意义、不再有成效或者不再稳妥。

You have the right to leave that “bed” and discover a new one that truly reflects who you are and what you currently need and desire. This is especially important when’ve you made those prior decisions under pressure orstress. Or you discover that you‘ve actually beenlyingon a harmful “bed of nails.” The New Year is a natural time for inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and choices, and allowing yourself to decide if they still work for you or if it’s time to do something different.

你有权利放弃原来的选择,然后去发现新的,它可以真正地反映出你是谁以及你当下的需求与欲望。当你之前在压力之下做了一些决定,这就尤为重要,或者,当你发现自己其实做了一个百害无一利的选择。新年适合进行内心的反思,重新衡量做过的决定与选择,并且允许你评判他们是否仍然对你有用,或者也是时候做一些不一样的事情了。

Anyone who insists that you must forever stay with your original choices is asking you to remain frozen in time. They may push the idea because it meets their own personal agenda or needs without considering the impact that it’s having on you and your life. People can be quick to weigh in, even when you haven’t asked for their opinion. They’ll give you advice about what they think is in your best interests. They might make sweeping statements and judgments about your life even when they don’t know the whole story. They might be out of touch with your current needs and feelings or the toll your choices take on your physical, emotional,spiritual, and mentalhealth. It’s so important for you to trust your own instincts and inner wisdom. A true sign of an ever- evolving person is one who can look back and identify the many “beds” they got to try out, live in for a time, and then moved on. Hopefully you will embrace the idea that this is the healthiest and most productive way to live your life!

Share with us a time when you were able to let go of the belief “you made your bed now lie in it.”

任何人坚持让你永远坚守原来的选择,就是让你封冻在历史中。他们推崇这种观念,因为它符合他们自身的目的与需求,而没有考虑它对你和你的生活造成的影响。人们能够快速做出判断,即使你没有询问他们的意见。他们会给你他们认为对你最有利的建议。甚至在他们不知道全部情况时,也可以对你的生活做出全面的陈述与判断。他们不会考虑你当下的需求与感觉或者你的选择使你自身身体、情感、精神和心理健康付出的代价。所以相信自己的本能与内在的智慧对你是如此的重要。一个不断成长的人的真实写照是,他回顾过去并且分辨出自己想尝试的那些选择,就这样生活一段时间,然后离去。希望你可以接纳这个观点,这是最健康的也是最有成效的生活方式!

当你可以让“你做的选择,现在自食其果吧”这种信念随风而去时,要与我们分享这一时刻。


相关译文来自无觅插件
共计2条评论
yuernamu发表于:2017-04-02 08:57:52

你做的选择,现在自食其果吧着——很哲理。

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MaZhuzu发表于:2017-04-02 18:42:11
yuernamu:你做的选择,现在自食其果吧着——很哲理。

@yuernamu:谢谢点评

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