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只有懂得接纳自己,才是强大的开始。

接纳不完美的自己

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译者:低头麦穗 原文作者:Steve Pavlina
发布:2017-04-28 16:54:43 挑错

The first of the five pillars of self-discipline is acceptance. Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.

This may sound simple and obvious, but in practice it’s extremely difficult. If you experience chronic difficulties in a particular area of your life, there’s a strong chance that the root of the problem is a failure to accept reality as it is.

自律之一,学会接受。接受就是你要切实地认识现实,并清醒地承认你所认识的。

这看起来一目了然,做起来可就没那么简单了。如果你在生活中长时间的苦闷,此时正是你认识到问题的关键。你还没法接受现实。

Why is acceptance a pillar of self-discipline? The most basic mistake people make with respect to self-discipline is a failure to accurately perceive and accept their present situation. Remember the analogy between self-discipline and weight training from yesterdays post? If you’re going to succeed at weight training, the first step is to figure out what weights you can already lift. How strong are you right now? Until you figure out where you stand right now, you cannot adopt a sensible training program.

If you haven’t consciously acknowledged where you stand right now in terms of your level of self-discipline, it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to improve at all in this area. Imagine a would-be bodybuilder who has no idea how much weight s/he can lift and arbitrarily adopts a training routine. It’s virtually certain that the chosen weights will be either too heavy or too light. If the weights are too heavy, the trainee won’t be able to lift them at all and thus will experience no muscle growth. And if the weights are too light, the trainee will lift them easily but won’t build any muscle in doing so.

为何学会接受是通向自律的关键之一?人们对于自律最大的误区就是无法切实地认识并接受现实。在上篇文章里提到自律和举重训练的类比,如果你想拿下举重训练,首先你要知道自己到底能举多重。你现在的体质够壮吗?只有明确这一点,才能选择适合的训练课程。

如果你不清楚自己自律水平,你就很难在这方面有所提高。要知道举重的重量不能太轻也不能太重,如果太重,你根本无法举起,谈不上锻炼肌肉;如果太轻,你很容易举起,也起不到锻炼的作用。

Similarly, if you want to increase your self-discipline, you must know where you stand right now. How strong is your discipline at this moment? Which challenges are easy for you, and which are virtually impossible for you?

Here’s a list of challenges to get you thinking about where you stand right now (in no particular order):

所以,如果你想要提高自律能力,就要了解现在的自己有多自律。能接受何样的挑战。

下列列出挑战清单,请各位看官用此了解一下自己。(无需按照顺序):

Do you shower/bathe every day?

Do you get up at the same time every morning? Including weekends?

Are you overweight?

Do you have any addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar, etc.) you’d like to break but haven’t?

Is your email inbox empty right now?

Is your office neat and well organized?

Is your home neat and well organized?

How much time do you waste in a typical day? On a weekend?

If you make a promise to someone, what’s the percentage chance you’ll keep it?

If you make a promise to yourself, what’s the percentage chance you’ll keep it?

你是否每天洗澡?

你每天早上都按时起床吗?周末也算在内。

你超重吗?

你有想戒掉却还没戒掉的瘾吗?

你邮箱里的收件箱现在是空的吗?

你办公室整洁吗?

你家里整洁吗?

你在周末或特定的日子会浪费多少时间?

如果你向他人做个承诺,你会守多久?

如果你向自己做个承诺,你会守多久?

Could you fast for one day?

How well organized is your computer’s hard drive?

How often do you exercise?

What’s the greatest physical challenge you’ve ever faced, and how long ago was it?

How many hours of focused work do you complete in a typical workday?

How many items on your to do list are older than 90 days?

Do you have clear, written goals? Do you have written plans to achieve them?

If you lost your job, how much time would you spend each day looking for a new one, and how long would you maintain that level of effort?

你可以进食一天吗?

你电脑硬盘驱动器里是否有条不紊?

你多久锻炼一次?

你曾经遇到过最难的体育锻炼是什么?是多久之前的事了?

你在工作日能集中精力多少小时去完成工作?

你清单上有多少目标执行了超过90天?

你有清晰的目标吗?有记下来吗?你有把这些记下来的目标完成吗?

如果你丢了工作,你每天会花多长时间找新工作?你会坚持多久去努力找工作?

How much TV do you currently watch? Could you give up TV for 30 days?

How do you look right now? What does your appearance say about your level of discipline (clothes, grooming, etc)?

Do you primarily select foods to eat based on health considerations or on taste/satiety?

When was the last time you consciously adopted a positive new habit? Discontinued a bad habit?

Are you in debt? Do you consider this debt an investment or a mistake?

Did you decide in advance to be reading this blog right now, or did it just happen?

Can you tell me what you’ll be doing tomorrow? Next weekend?

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your overall level of self-discipline?

What more could you accomplish if you could answer that last question with a 9 or 10?

你最近在看多少部电视剧?你能在30天内都不看吗?

你现在是何样打扮?你的装束能体现何等自律能力?

你以什么标准挑选食物?健康?美味?饱腹?

你现在有贷款吗?你觉得贷款是投资还是不该做的事情?

你是提前决定阅读此文章还是刚刚已经读完了?

你能告诉我明天你的计划吗?还有下周的。

从1到10,你给自己的自律能力打分。

如果你给自己打分9-10,你还有其他要做的事情要做吗?

Just as there are different muscle groups which you train with different exercises, there are different areas of self-discipline: disciplined sleep, disciplined diet, disciplined work habits, disciplined communication, etc. It takes different exercises to build discipline in each area.

My advice is to identify an area where your discipline is weakest, assess where you stand right now, acknowledge and accept your starting point, and design a training program for yourself to improve in this area. Start out with some easy exercises you know you can do, and gradually progress to greater challenges.

锻炼不同部位的肌肉,不能只采用一种锻炼方式;自律也是:按时睡觉、按顿吃饭、良好的工作习惯、友好的沟通方式等等,需要各个击破。

建议大家确认一下自己最无法自律的地方在哪里,对自己有个正确的评估,认识并接受真正的自己,设计一套符合自己的课程去锻炼自律能力。一开始要做些简单的,循序渐进的给自己加挑战。

Progressive training works with self-discipline just as it does with building muscle. For example, if you can barely get out of bed at 10am, are you likely to succeed at waking up at 5am every morning? Probably not. But could you master getting up at 9:45am? Very likely. And once you’ve done that, could you progress to 9:30 or 9:15? Sure. When I started getting up at 5am consistently, I had already done it several times for a few days in a row, and my normal wake-up time was 6-6:30am, so that next step was challenging but achievable for me partly because I was already within range of it.

Without acceptance you get either ignorance or denial. With ignorance you simply don’t know how disciplined you are — you’ve probably never even thought about it. You don’t know that you don’t know. You’ll only have a fuzzy notion of what you can and can’t do. You’ll experience some easy successes and some dismal failures, but you’re more likely to blame the task or blame yourself instead of simply acknowledging that the “weight” was too heavy for you and that you need to become stronger.

像锻炼肌肉一样循序渐进的锻炼自己的自律能力。比如:如果你每天不到10点,就算地震也无法起床,那你让自己每天早上5点起床的可行性大吗?回答是否定的。但是9:45起床可以吧?这个还挺靠谱。一旦开始付出行动,9:30或9:15起床还难吗?当然不会。我一开始给自己定的起床时间是5点整,我已坚持了很多天,平时我是6点-6:30期间起床,所以5点起床对我来说是挑战,但也绝对可以完成,因为我本就是早起的人。

不接纳自己,人就不了解自己,还会否定自己。那么你也就不知要如何做到自律——也许你从来没有想过这些。你也没有意识到,你其实是不了解自己的。你只会知道你能做什么,不能做什么,但也不是太明确。你会做成一些事情,也会做错一些小事情,但你很容易抱怨工作或者自责,根本没有意识到所做的事情是你无力承担的,你需要强大自己才行。

When you’re in a state of denial about your level of discipline, you’re locked into a false view of reality. You’re either overly pessimistic or optimistic about your capabilities. And like the trainee who doesn’t know his/her own strength, you won’t get much better because it’s unlikely you’ll be able to hit the proper training zone by accident. On the pessimistic side, you’ll only pick up easy weights and avoid the heavy ones which you could actually lift and which would make you stronger. And on the optimistic side, you’ll keep trying to lift weights that are too heavy for you and failing, and afterwards you may either beat yourself up or resolve to try harder, neither of which will make you stronger.

当你陷入自我否定的状态里,就走进了误区。对于自己的能力,既过度悲观,也不过度乐观。就像锻炼身体的人对自己能举多少并不清楚,你没有进步是因为你不可能一下子就找到适合的锻炼课程。悲观点看,你只选择了轻的,没有尝试重的,但实际上你可能会举起重一点的,这会起到锻炼的效果;乐观点看,即使失败也要不断尝试举重,这样做无非两个结果,要么放弃,要么继续尝试,但无论哪一种都没法让你更强壮。

I have personally reaped tremendous benefits from pursuing the path of self- discipline. When I was 20 years old, I lived in a small studio apartment, and my sleep hours were something like 4am to 1pm. My diet included lots of fast food and junk food. I didn’t exercise except for sometimes taking long walks. Getting the mail seemed like a significant accomplishment each day, and the highlight of my day was hanging out with friends. At the end of a month, I couldn’t really think of many salient events that occurred during the month. I had no job, no car, no income, no goals, no plans, and no real future. All I felt I had was a lot of problems that weren’t getting any better. I had no sense that I could control my path through life. I would simply wait for things to happen and then react to them.

塑造自律,让我个人受益匪浅。我20岁时,住在一间一居室的小房间里,通常都是凌晨4点睡觉,下午1点起床。我经常吃快餐,除了偶尔会徒步,基本都不运动。每天查看邮件就是天大的事,生活中仅有的趣味就是和朋友闲逛。每每到月末的时候,回想整个月过的平淡如水。没工作、没车、没收入、没有目标、计划,更没有未来。唯有拥有的就是数不清的问题,找不到解决办法。我无法掌控我的生活,只是一味的等待事情发生,然后应对。

But eventually I faced the reality that trying to wait out my life wasn’t working. If I was going to get anywhere, I was going to have to do something about it. And initially this meant tackling a lot of difficult challenges, but I overcame them and grew a lot stronger in a short period of time.

Fast forward fourteen years, and it’s like night and day. I get up at 5am each morning. I exercise six days a week. I eat a purely vegan diet with lots of fresh vegetables. My home office is well organized. My physical inbox and my email inbox are both empty. I’m married with two kids and live in a nice house. A binder sits on my desk with my written goals and detailed plans to achieve them, and several of my 2005 goals have already been accomplished. I’ve never been more clear about what I wanted, and I’m doing what I love. I know I’m making a difference.

但最终我还是面对了现实,等待是没用的。不管要去哪里,我都会提前准备。一开始这对我来说是艰难的挑战,但我战胜了它们,短时间内变得愈加强大。

回首这14年的日子,真是转瞬即逝。每天5点起床,一周运动6天,吃纯素食。我家里的办公室非常整洁。经常清理门外的邮箱和电子邮箱。现已结婚,有了两个孩子,住在一个漂亮房子里。办公桌上放着写满自己目标的记事本,详尽地记录着实现这些目标的计划。2005年几个目标我现在已经实现了。我从未像现在这样清楚的知道自己想要什么,做着自己喜欢的事。我知道是自己的改进成就了这一切。

None of this just happened. It was intentional. And it certainly didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of years of hard work. It’s still hard work, but I’ve become a lot stronger such that things that would have been insurmountable for me at age 20 are easy today, which means I can tackle bigger challenges and therefore achieve even better results. If I had tried to do everything I’m doing now when I was 20, I would have failed utterly. 20-year old Steve wouldn’t have been able to handle it, not even for one day. But for 34-year old Steve, it’s easy. And what’s really exciting for me is to think of what 48-year old Steve will be able to accomplish… relative to my life path of course, not anyone else’s.

所有的一切都不是偶然的,都是有计划的;也不是马上就实现的,而是努力了多年。我现在依然在努力,不同的是我变强大了。现在做的事情对于20岁的我来说简直就是天方夜谭,但我此时却可以面对更大的挑战,也就可以取得更大的成就。如果我在20岁使出吃奶的里奇来做现在做的事情,我一定会一败涂地。20岁的我根本无法掌控,再大一点也不行;但对于34岁的我来说,简直小菜一碟。让我最为激动的是,想到自己到了48岁时,会达到何等的成就,这就是属于我自己的人生。

I AM telling you this to impress you, not with me but with yourself. I want you to be impressed by what you can accomplish over the next 5-10 years if you progressively build your self-discipline. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. The first step is to openly accept where you are right now, whether you feel good about it or not. Surrender yourself to what you have to work with — maybe it isn’t fair, but it is what it is. And you won’t get any stronger until you accept where you are right now.

我说这些是想告诉大家,只有你自己才能为自己负责。我想如果你们循序渐进地提高自律能力,接下来的5-10年,你会收获很多。虽然不易,但一定是值得的。不管你现在把自己估计的过高还是过低,第一步就是接受真实的自己。接纳自己的不完美吧——也许你不愿承认,但事实胜于雄辩。何时接纳自己,何时就踏上强大的大路。


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